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Bye-Bye Poop!

17 May

We cloth diaper so when Madilyn poops, we dump it into the toilet and flush it.   As children begin to potty train, some are afraid of losing their poop so I have taught Madilyn to say “good bye” to her poop as we flush it so that [hopefully] she’s not afraid of losing it when potty training occurs.

I’m not quite sure when it happened but Madilyn rarely says “good bye” anymore without blowing kisses.  It happens to random strangers, her daddy, her grandparents, at bed time, and to her poop.

We flushed her poop this morning and, like hundreds of times before; she waved, said “bye-bye poop”, and blew multiple kisses to the stinky turd as it swirled its way to the underworld.

Getty Images

Why it was so much more riotous to me this morning, I’m not sure.  I do know, however; that I wanted to share.  If only we all loved our poop so much….

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mURPHY’S lAW mONDAY

9 May

Things happen in my life on a near-daily basis that prove Murphy’s Law as truth. Each Monday is dedicated to showcasing my life’s crazy moments.

If it can happen, it will happen.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  OH, glorious Mother’s Day.  A day that looks like any other in my house.  My kids were great and after writing the tear-jerking post about their presents to me, I turned on one of my favorite movies (Title to remain nameless so as to avoid any and all teasing comments).  About 45 minutes into “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” (whoops), Styles began really pestering me to go to the pool.  It sounded fabulously refreshing but I knew that juggling my overactive 20 month old and my newborn just wasn’t going to make for a refreshing or relaxing anything.  I did the non-committal “maybe later” thing and continued drooling over Matthew Mcconaughey and his pre-pot smoking, nude on the beach, drum banging hotness.  About the time a small pool of saliva collected in my lap, my friend texted (thank God for technology) to tell me that she was at the pool.  A moment of insanity led me to believe that with an extra set of hands, we’d have  a great time splashing around in the water.  I lathered the kids up, minus baby, with SPF 30 and off we went.

Madilyn wasn’t interested in the water at first and I had no trouble wooing her to stay near me with cheeze ballz.  As time wore on, she grew more and more enthralled by the sparkling goodness of the pool so I commissioned my dear friend, Pat to hold Grady so I could take a dip in the pool with Madilyn.  She.  Was.  In.  HEAVEN.  Our community pool has what they call a “Kiddie Area” with a mushroom-shaped fountain and very shallow water.  What it doesn’t have is any sort of barrier to keep kids from falling into 4ft. deep water.  Needless to say, I was a bit of a wreck while Madilyn walked around the so-called kiddie area.  After about 5 minutes I realized that she was perfectly content to stay close to the wall and not venture towards the abyss.  Another friend of mine showed up and Pat left, leaving me with Grady, Madilyn, and Styles.

By this time, Madilyn had proven herself worthy of a longer leash so I felt perfectly comfortable whipping one out and nursing Grady on the edge of the pool.  No sooner had I done that, Madilyn high-tailed it to the edge of the kiddie area and fell off into the pool.  I nearly threw Grady onto the concrete, just before friend #2 dove into the pool (beer in hand), to rescue her.  When Madilyn surfaced, all she had to say for herself was “whoops” before attempting to kamikaze off the edge again and again.

Lesson learned:  When your overactive toddler makes you comfortable enough to extend a little bit more responsibility, shorten the leash, tighten your grip, lock-in your sights.  Because it is then that they will test Murphy’s Law.

If it can happen, it will happen.

C.A.B.D.

5 May

Today on a trip to the happiest place on Earth (WalMart), Madilyn found a Creepy Ass Baby Doll that she really, really wanted.  You know the kind of doll I’m talking about.  It’s airbrushed to look real, has wrist-rolls, fat piggie toes, and those eyes that close when you lay it down?  The kind of baby doll that likely spends the night perusing your home looking for the sharpest object to stab your eyes out with.  Yeah.  That kind of Creepy Ass Baby Doll.

I hate baby dolls.  As a matter of fact, I always have.  I was a My Little Pony and books type of girl and I prayed every day that I was pregnant that Madilyn would find baby dolls boring and weird too.

Um.  That didn’t happen.  She loves them.  And naturally as she gets older, she’s beginning to like the super-creepy ones.  So I’m going to have to start locking my door when I sleep.

Tell me what you think:

Geez, I’m sorry… I didn’t realize Madilyn was so violent.

That baby’s creepy, right?


							

mURPHY’S lAW mONDAY

2 May

Things happen in my life on a near-daily basis that prove Murphy’s Law as truth. Each Monday is now dedicated to showcasing my life’s crazy moments.

If it can happen, it will happen.

My third, wonderful child was born exactly 8 weeks ago today.  That Monday, Murphy’s Law was tested.

I was admitted into the hospital the morning of March 7, 2011 to get 2 bags of Penicillin due to a positive Group B Strep culture administered before my induction would begin.  The induction began at 11:30 after two full rounds of Penicillin and as a third round was administered.  Fast forward to 5:30PM and I still wasn’t in labor, despite the fact that the Pitocin was turned up to a 24 out of 30.  My doctor came in to check me and decided that we should break my water (like I said I’d never have done again) because the baby was still at a -5.  My water was broken at 5:45PM and my wonderful doctor stayed to monitor the baby and me until 6PM.  At 6PM I still had not had a contraction so my doctor decided to leave the hospital to check on another patient of hers that was at the other hospital just down the road.  This particular patient was a first time mom and had been progressing slowly all day so she thought she’d just hop over there, show her face, and come back to deliver my baby since I have a history of rapid labors.  I felt my first contraction around 6:15PM.  As history dictates, my contractions were pretty well one right after another but not super painful.  I had to pee at 6:55PM.  I had one contraction on the way to the restroom and one on the way back from the restroom.  I decided to jump up into the bed and lie on my side.  My next contraction caused a huge, strong reaction in my uterus and the nurse noticed the look on my face.  She checked my cervix and I was 8cm.  But in the next contraction I could feel the baby moving down into the birth canal.  My baby was born at 7:10PM into the hands of two nurses.

If your doctor leaves your hospital to check on a patient at another hospital because you’re not even in labor yet, you WILL have your baby in the one hour that she is gone.

If it can happen, it will happen.

mURPHY’S lAW mONDAY – VDay Edition

14 Feb

Things happen in my life on a near-daily basis that prove Murphy’s Law as truth. Each Monday is now dedicated to showcasing my life’s crazy moments.

If it can happen, it will happen.

OK, so this may or may not be personal experience.  And it may or may not have happened within the last month.  So let’s just say that this is hypothetical.  And if you’re a parent with children who still live in your house and can walk, you need to read this.

ALLright….  So there was this one dark night where the pheromones were apparently stirring.  Mom and Dad were feeling rather saucy and decided to conserve water by taking a shower together.  It was one of those late nights.  The kids were snuggled all soundly in their beds while visions of good grades and Mum-Mums danced in their heads.  All was quiet in the house, and not a creature was stirring, except maybe Daddy’s mouse.

Mommy and Daddy decided to take it to the room and in the heat of the dark, dark night forgot to lock the door.  The door is always locked during feisty time in Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom but tonight it was forgotten.  Mommy paused for a moment in realization that the door was ajar but Daddy insisted that because the children had been in bed for so very long, that they would likely never wake up.  As the temperature rose in the room, there was suddenly a cough at the door.

Perhaps the child saw a rear in the air, or maybe a bare chest, and he most certainly heard a little too much.  All that can be sure is that the child looked like a deer frozen in the headlights.  Poor kid got an eyeful and an earful when all he wanted was a glass of water.

If it can happen, it will happen.

mURPHY’S lAW mONDAY

7 Feb

Things happen in my life on a near-daily basis that prove Murphy’s Law as truth. Each Monday is now dedicated to showcasing my life’s crazy moments.

If it can happen, it will happen.

I was preparing to jump in the shower when I realized that I needed to switch the laundry over from the washing machine to the dryer. My sweet son Styles was outside playing with his two friends from across the street and Madilyn was busying herself with my hair dryer (unplugged, of course). Being that I am extremely forgetful these days, I decided to go ahead and take care of the laundry before jumping in the shower. Because Styles was outside, I figured it was safe for me to take care of the laundry in the buff. As I was moving clothing from the dryer to the sofa, I laughed to myself about how funny it would be if 3 little boys suddenly burst through the front door to find me doing laundry while nude.

I wish that thought had never entered my mind.

While toting the last armful of laundry through the living room, 3 little boys suddenly burst through the front door to find me doing laundry in the nude. True Story.

if it can happen, it will happen.

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