My Fragile Psyche

13 May

So as uncomfortable as I am looking at myself in the mirror, I have never been happier or more comfortable with myself in my life.  I don’t know if it is because I am getting older (30 in 2 months), or if it’s because my hunky husband somehow still wants to have everything to do with me every night of the week, or if it’s because I’m too busy to care.  Perhaps it is a combination of all three.

Image Courtesy Google Images

As solid as I feel emotionally, I have these supremely fragile days, like I did on Wednesday.  My dear, hot husband is a complete workaholic.  I feel blessed to be a stay at home mom but I never get a break.  Even rides in the car don’t provide me with any alone time.  My job is literally 24/7 and sometimes I have a mental health day.  I’m trying to learn to allow myself those days and to not feel entirely nutty when I have one.  This is by far the most stressful job I’ve ever had and add to it a nice dose of PPD, I think I’m handling it pretty well.

Image Courtesy

I just need to solidify the idea in my mind, that no day is going to be perfect, the house is never going to be perfectly clean, dinner will never be perfectly on the table at 6pm, my children will not always be perfectly behaved, and I cannot always look my best.  It would be nice if I had an Au Pair who could help me achieve all of these things but the reality of the situation is that I’m a one-woman-show.

So forgive me my fragile days and lift me up.  I’ll do the same for you.


6 Responses to “My Fragile Psyche”

  1. natalie May 13, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

    Oh yes. Some days are just chaos. It seems like it comes with the job but nobody tells you that beforehand.

    Love that cartoon. That was pretty much my living room until my mom came over and cleaned this afternoon.

  2. Teresa May 13, 2011 at 3:44 pm #

    You are doing a great job and even though you may not feel “normal” some days, know that you are not alone. I feel like a cracking statue (or robot) often. Sometimes I take my kids to visit my mom (45 min car ride) and then when I complain to my husband that I need to get out of the house, he answers “you can go anywhere you want, why are you complaining?” and I guess I get angry because “going wherever I want” always entails having my 2 little ones stuck to me, nagging, puking, etc… Anyhow, thanks for writing this, so that I don’t feel like nobody understands.

  3. Rebekah May 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

    (((hugs))) Summer, I am sorry you were having a rough day and I hope you are feeling better now since its been 24 hours or so since you posted. Being a mom is one heck of a hard job and being a stay at home mom with PPD (or any other issues) is even harder. You do need to definitely cut yourself some slack, one thing that always helped me when I was in my “omg the house is a disaster, the kids are a mess, dinner isnt ready” mode…was to remember something Flylady said (do you know who she is? she says “housework done incorrectly STILL blesses your family” and I learned (after a lot of crazy years, my baby is 11 now) that if mom is not okay mentally, no matter what the kids or the house or the behind looks like on the outside, no one is okay….and that means that the best thing you can do for your family when you are having one of those days is do WHATEVER you have to, to make YOU feel okay, and the rest just has to wait, period….and know deep down in your heart that you are doing the VERY BEST thing for your family at that moment, and it will help everyone in the end to take care of you first ♥

    • rebelcrunchmama May 15, 2011 at 7:50 am #

      Thank you! I LOVE flylady but unfortunately, I NEVER do what she says HAHAHA! I need to go back and do it again. her methods really, really work. And thank you for her quote, I had never heard that.

  4. jrfrugalmom May 24, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    You just described the life of a very hard-working SAHM.

    I feel like this quite often, but a walk on the beach (alone) while watching the sunrise is the perfect therapy.

    Thank you for participating in last week’s Wednesday Window @ Frugality Is Free. I hope you’ll stop by to link up your favorite blog post this week as well.

  5. LAYLI May 28, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    you’re doing an excellent job i’m sure! the family is soooo lucky to have you, summer!!

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