Confession: I’m Fat.

12 May

Pre-Madilyn. Approximately 170lbs.

I’ve never been happy with the way that my body looks and I know for a fact that my friends, from Middle School to current, can attest to the fact that I put myself down way too much.  Now that I look at pictures of myself from pre-Madilyn, I am disgusted that I ever thought I was fat.  I’m not a small person.  I’m normally very muscular and athletic looking, but not fat.  There IS a difference.   I am super curvy and will never be “skinny” but I have some pretty awesome child bearing hips, so NAH!

Approximately 24 weeks pregnant with Grady

Upon being put on bed rest for 3 months with Madilyn, I gained 80lbs.  I kept my bad eating habits once she was born and then got pregnant with Grady 9 months later.  I lost 16lbs during my first trimester with Grady and then gained a total of 25 more pounds during the rest of my pregnancy, putting me at only 9lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight.  When I went for my first prenatal visit, I had lost 20lbs since having Grady but I’m still HUGE.  For me at least.

I just started watching “Biggest Loser” and I weigh as much as most of the women on the show but don’t feel as though I LOOK that big.  It’s pretty disgusting to me that I’ve gained so much weight and I promise that I’ll never complain about my curvy girl figure again if I can just get back down to a size 12.  I’ve come to realize that the number on a scale means nothing.  It’s all about how  my clothing fits and how I feel.  170lbs might look like a lot of weight on some women, but it looks GOOD on me.  249, however; does not.

I just joined forces with The Sparkle Mama on a Weight Loss Challenge where the grand prize is a stash of brand new Cloth Diapers.  I don’t know about you, but I need some accountability or else I will never, EVER be healthy again.  (I’m staying away from the “thin” moniker because “thin” is not my goal.  Healthy is.)   That said, even the challenge was not enough to scare me into eating healthy.  So I’m confessing my weight and pictures of myself in the most disgusting outfit known to man.  Because I want to be able to post on June 6, having lost at least 10 lbs and looking a little better, and a lot closer to my goal of being healthy again.

Salad with feta, almonds, Kashi Sesame crackers, and raspberry viniagrette

I am currently breastfeeding so being on a “diet” is not really in the cards for me.  My plan of attack is to stop eating processed sugar.  No more processed sugar for the next month.  I will also stay away from “whites” and eat only whole grains.  When I crave something savory to eat, I will allow myself some ranch dressing and raw broccoli.  When I crave sugar, I will allow myself fruit.  I will eat yummy lunches like this salad.  And I will exercise at least 3 times per week.  By exercise, I mean walking brusquely with my stroller.  I’d like to go to the gym but Madilyn will have NONE of that so walking it is.

So PLEASE subscribe and hold me accountable.  Cheer me along.  I’ll be posting my weight and pictures weekly and giving a synopsis about what I’ve been eating, if I’ve “cheated”, and how much exercise I’ve managed to squeeze in.  And if you feel so inclined, join me.

So here’s my confession:  

Front view

Side View

Yes, that says 249Lbs.

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46 Responses to “Confession: I’m Fat.”

  1. Alyssa May 12, 2011 at 10:04 am #

    I believe in you! You can totally do it and you’ll feel so fantastic afterward. Oh and hats off to you for cutting sugar *hides behind jar of fluff*. I’m taking my damn candy to the grave with me. 😉 ❤

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 10:26 am #

      *running for your jar of fluff* I wish I could take candy to the grave with me! I think most of my problem now is that I’m not active. I grew up dancing and when I stopped dancing I started working out on a regular basis. Since bed rest, I just haven’t been able to get back into it, though. Thanks for being my cheerleader!

  2. Aunt Sue May 12, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Good luck Summer…you got this!!! I know you will reach your goal. You’re right…it’s all about feeling good and being healthy. I think I might just join you!! Love you!

  3. Tamara May 12, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    I’ll be rooting for you! I have to say, you’re so brave to post your pictures and say THE number. While I’m in the same boat as you, I’m not brave enough to post a full body shot and my weight. I wish you the best on this journey! xo

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 10:28 am #

      Thanks, Tamara! I really appreciate it. I’m completely vain so posting these pictures is a HUUUUUUUUGE step for me. I’m hoping that admitting I’m a whale will help me work on losing weight. I should probably buy a full length mirror too. ESH. Thanks for cheering me on!

  4. Becca @ Mama B May 12, 2011 at 10:44 am #

    GOOOO YOU!!! You can totally do this mama! You are so brave and you will totally rock this. And? That salad looks realllllllly good. I need to lose about 20-25 pounds too.

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 10:53 am #

      THANKS! I need to get my butt up and make a salad similar to that one but baby duty calls. :/ Salad can wait. Thanks for being my cheerleader!

  5. Selena May 12, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    No matter what size you are…you are beautiful and crafted in a perfect design. I love Summer!

  6. Dee May 12, 2011 at 10:54 am #

    I am so proud of you. You’re off to a rockin start b/c you’ll look at this post for encouragement. You’re super brave to put yourself out there, but this will push you to do what you need to! You have so many people ready to root you on – you can do this!!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 10:55 am #

      Thanks, Dee! Totally appreciate your cheering me on – I really do. GO ME! 🙂

  7. Nikki May 12, 2011 at 11:12 am #

    you are so brave for putting it out there in the universe! I really can relate in a lot of ways. I’ve been obese basically since I was about 19 and really beat myself up over my weight. I’ve also been pregnant or breastfeeding for over 3 years now and that has really hindered my weight loss -and I’m so over it! but i also use that to let myself off the hook and not change anything. i graze on chocolate pretty much all day. Anyway, we can both do it! check out my weight loss motivation pinboard on pinterest: http://pinterest.com/nikkig/weightloss-motivation/

    Also, have you heard of sparkpeople.com? I LOOOVE it. totally free and such a great resource. It really helps me be accountable.

    Good luck! I’ll be checking in!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 11:59 am #

      Thank you, Nikki! I love chocolate too and I also use breastfeeding to let myself off of the hook for eating whatever I want to. I’m going to check out your pinboards for SURE. Than you SO much for sharing! And for being my cheerleader!

  8. Tara @ This Military Mama May 12, 2011 at 11:18 am #

    I am totally with you on this! I was between size 12 and 10 when I meet my husband and used to think I could lose a few more pounds. I had no idea how good I actually looked!! I had child bearing hips, big chested, and big booty!! But all I saw was a number, not that I was healthy and could run around with kids, and I looked good!

    now… I’m not sure the number but I am between size 16-18. Depends on the day really. I’m also breastfeeding and know that a “diet” per say isn’t right. My husband and I have been trying to eat healthier but we never tossed our bad food and kind of gave into it.

    If you need some one to email, twitter, or skype with regularly you can email me! Honestly I need to accountability too! Today hubby and I are getting out of the house and walking {we can’t afford a gym right now} so walking it is!

    Good luck! I’m so proud of you and I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

      Thanks, Tara! I’m a solid size 18 and can wear clothing out of the “womens” section of stores. I lovingly refer to them as 18″wide”. 🙂 I generally have very small boobs that I love and miss and can’t wait to have them back. Along with my huge hips and tiny waist. We can totally be accountability partners! I’d love that and I need it. We’re lucky enough to have a gym in our community so I have that available to me but I can’t really take Madilyn there – she’d be into EVERYTHING. Her daddy gets home late and I’m exhausted by then, and he leaves at 6am. I need to find a way, though. I really do. *BAH!* Thanks for cheering me on!

      • Rebekah May 12, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

        how old is madilyn? Is it feasible to stick her in some kind of playpen/saucer thingy that you bring with you? Also there are TONS of at home workouts you can do. My favorite is a good yoga workout (If you havent done yoga, you probably think its not a workout, but I did it the first time at 252 lbs and I was sore for 3 days after, and I only made it through 1/3 of the class) and its a great stress reliever, and I think there are probably mommy and me yoga DVDs out there.

      • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 7:17 pm #

        Hi Rebekah! Thank you SO much for stopping by AND commenting! I LOVE yoga and it is a total workout. I also love Pilates. I grew up dancing and danced competitively so I was always super healthy but never happy. :/ I hadn’t even thought about mommy and me DVDs! That’s a great idea! Madilyn is 20 months and OVERactive. Grady is 2 months old. I also like the idea of a playpen for her. I need to find out if there is a place to store one down at our community gym so I can use it for her down there. It would be fantastic! IT’s a mile away so walking down there, working out, and then walking back. Thanks for cheering me on! I REALLY appreciate it!

  9. Amanda Rue May 12, 2011 at 11:39 am #

    Good for you Summer I need your willpower!!!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 11:58 am #

      OH Amanda, I HAVE none which is why I had to post this!

  10. Christa May 12, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

    You can do this, if you ever need any help just let me know, getting healthy was one of the hardest things I’ve done but it is SO worth it in the end!

    Good luck, you CAN do it!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

      Thanks, Christa! I need all the help I can get! I’m thinking of trying Body By Vi so we’ll see how that goes. 🙂 Thanks for cheering me on!

  11. Mommy Boots May 12, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    You can do it! I’m right there with you; I don’t think I’ve lost an ounce of the 40 pounds I gained while pregnant with Nellie. I look back at pictures of myself from three years ago when I was SO active and it makes me sad. I was so skinny and I STILL thought I was fat.

    You are beautiful, and you can do it!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

      Thank you! Isn’t it disgusting how we’re never happy with ourselves? It’s so frustrating to look back on. Oh well, Hindsight is 20/20. Thanks for being my cheerleader!!!

  12. Beth @ Me as a Mommy May 12, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

    You can do this mama!!! Walking everyday will be a huge help – do you have a good stroller?? Maybe you can work up to jogging eventually, which will make those numbers drop even faster!

    Can’t wait to check in on you. Good luck!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

      Thanks, Beth! I do have a good stroller. I have a Baby Jogger City Select which isn’t really a jogging stroller but maybe I’ll talk Kyle into letting me get one if I prove I’m worthy 🙂 Thanks for cheering me on!

  13. Abby May 12, 2011 at 3:27 pm #

    Oh Summer you are such an inspiration to so many including me! I know you can do this! No giving up. Its all about portion size,healthy snacks,cut sugars, low healthy carbs and caloric intake,booby sucking,pilates,and a brisk walk to work up to a run 4 days a week.There are so many diets out there and I think when it all boils down it is determination learning to love yourself for you you are. “You are perfect Just the way you are” Michael Franti says it best. You are an amazing momma of 3 and just had a Grady 9 weeks ago so be easy on yourself. I think you are beautiful inside and out! I will be rooting for you, and know you are bring sexy back! 😉

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm #

      Thanks, Abbazabba! Darn straight I’m gonna bring sexy back! My main problem is sugar! Gotta tell it goodbye!

  14. Sara May 12, 2011 at 5:01 pm #

    Rooting for you. Just make sure you stay healthy! Rooting for you!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 5:04 pm #

      Thanks for rooting for me, Sara! 😉 I will hopefully be healthier than I have been!

  15. Rebekah May 12, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    You can do it!!! First off, just an FYI (from another self beater upper who almost threw up when she saw 249 on the scale the first time) I didnt even see the number at first, I noticed the adorable tattoos on your feet! They are toooooo cute! Secondly, there are LOTS of us who have been there, and you can definitely do it!!! I have lost over 50 lbs on my own since October, and if I can do it, anyone can do it, trust me when I say that. I admire your strength in putting up those photos, that takes serious grit! Its that kind of facing your fears that gets you to your goal 🙂 I know you dont know me from Adam, but Im proud of you!!!!

  16. Katie May 12, 2011 at 5:26 pm #

    Apparently the extra weight is mostly intestines, because I’m sure it took a lot of guts to write this post. I’m behind you all the way! Getting off of sugar was what helped me the most when I lost weight in grad school. I hated making a big deal out of not eating sugar, but I quickly realized that I had to make sure that everyone knew so that my friends wouldn’t constantly tempt me with desserts. I have a couple of books with desserts solely sweetened with fruit (most of the recipes are amazing!), so I’ll bring them the next time I visit.

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 7:22 pm #

      OMG Katie that’s hilarious. I’d like to be able to say that all 80lbs that I need to lose are intestines but that is not the case. More like all 80 are in my rear-end. Did you SEE that thing?! That dessert book sounds phenomenal. PLEASE bring it the next time you come over. My printer is also a copier so I will pick the ones I want and copy them off. And I agree, it’s necessary to let people know what you’re doing. People tempt me all the time :/

  17. Kelly May 12, 2011 at 7:31 pm #

    Glad to be in the challenge with you – we started at about the same weight. 🙂

    I had been wanting to cut out sugar too and read that it was easier to cut sugar and grains out at the same time, so we’re trying it for a few weeks. It seems to be going pretty well…my cravings are getting less and it is working for weight loss. Just thought I would share it as a possibility – I love discovering anything that works! 🙂

    Good luck mama!

    • rebelcrunchmama May 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

      Thank you SO much for the support! I’m not doing so great in the eating department which is why I had to post this blog. I appreciate letting me know about sugar and grains together! I tried to cut out carbs when I was nursing Madilyn and my breastmilk supply TANKED which is why I’m not going to try to go carbless again. I’ve done carbless before and it WORKS. I lost over 30 lbs in 2 months! Good luck! Hopefully we’re in the top 3 together!!!! 😀

    • Rebekah May 13, 2011 at 6:08 am #

      Kelly–its MUCH easier to cut out sugar and grains together, because grains turn to sugar in your body and cause you to crave the sugar and more grains…making it harder to resist because the cravings NEVER stop! You can do it!!! I think its awesome that so many of us are doing this 🙂

      • rebelcrunchmama May 13, 2011 at 6:44 am #

        Did you also know that corn and carrots are simple carbohydrates? That means that they too turn into sugar when you eat them. Eating a pound of carrots is equivalent to eating the same amount of sugar. STAY AWAY!

  18. Him Me and The Wee Three May 13, 2011 at 10:45 am #

    I posted my pics and weight too. Hopefully it urges me to hold myself a little more accountable. Good Luck!

  19. Amanda May 13, 2011 at 11:11 am #

    You’ve got this! I’m the biggest mama (by a lot) in the challenge. I really like Jillian Micheal’s 30 day shred. No matter how tempermental the baby is, dad can handle it for 30 min. In my case DH is doing it with me, the 12yo considers it practice for babysitting. 🙂

    • rebelcrunchmama May 13, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

      Good luck! We can DO THIS! The more weight you have to lose, the more that you’ll see come off. Or at least that’s what I’m told 🙂 I’d love to pull out some big numbers like on Biggest Loser but I really need to get to the gym. :/

      • Amanda May 14, 2011 at 9:58 am #

        LOL I don’t know how true that really is, and it seems to minimize the effort I’m putting in. I’m literally working out 2 hours a day, and being super strict about what and how much I eat. That would make me feel like crap that if I did well in this challenge someone would just chalk it up to my being bigger so it’s “easier” for it to come off me.

        That’s why this is based on % and not straight lbs.

      • rebelcrunchmama May 15, 2011 at 7:49 am #

        I don’t mean at ALL to diminish your efforts! I was just saying that if someone who weighed 150 and wanted to lose 10 lbs were to work out the same, their weight loss (straight pounds) would be less with the same effort. Which is why being based on % is the only way to go as far as judging the challenge. I really was just trying to cheer you on by saying that you’ll see a great loss right off the bat. I’ve already lost some lbs too and it’s amazing how much easier it is to lose lbs now that I’m this big as opposed to when I weighed 170 and just wanted to lose 10-20lbs. THOSE suckers NEVER came off! 🙂

  20. Auntie Me May 13, 2011 at 9:37 pm #

    I want to join TEAM SUMMER….So proud of you. If there is anyone who can do it its you. It’s only a number Summer….you’re still beautiful!!! GOOOOOOOOOOO SUMMER!!!!!!!!!! Can’t wait to see the progress. Maybe it will inspire me!!!

  21. Keri Moore May 23, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

    First of all, you are absolutely beautiful! No matter how much weight I lose, I will never be as gorgeous as you! I am also still breastfeeding, so I can’t go on any crazy, crash diet either. I started only wanting to lose the weight but now I want some diapers! Lol

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